I’m A Golden Man: Bappi Lahiri

August 3, 2009

I just had to write a post about this historical, and hysterical interview with Koel. I watched this show on a Kingfisher flight and trust me, it was the best flight I had ever taken in my life. I watched 3 reruns of this show and favorited it on YouTube as well. This is for your entertainment. All spelling mistakes were on purpose and as per the vocabulary of Bappi Da 🙂

He was called Alokesh before he became ‘famous Master Baapi’ at the age of 4 because he was playing “classical tabla”, but “he don’t know when I am playing tabla” because his “mamma and his dads told me that you’re so small so the crawling that time you want the tabla baaya like” Oh – he is also a “pianoist”.

He agrees that either it is an exaggeration or that he is a child prodigy. – not clear from his statement.

He loves crooning, preferably his own songs.

He was not allowed to play cricket as a kid because his “finger will fracture”

He was given a “B” gold chain because he was “famous B”

He wore his first gold chain that was gifted to him by his ‘Mamma’ and “my Zakhmi became sooper heet”

He was a “follower” and “a practical fan of Elvis Presley with his round face” and that is why the fact that he was talented or his music evolved over time did not play a factor in his success as a music director.

He was a “brand brand I’m brand” before becoming a brand and all over the world he is known as “Bling Bling Bappi Lahiri”

Obviously, he gloats, “I’m A Golden Man”

He got Disco to Indian movies and croons out the number as well. Surprisingly, he says that ‘Chalte Chalte’ the title track is also a disco song, followed by ‘Pyaar Manga Hai Tumhi Se’

In his famous American accent, he tells us how he learnt in an American club the word ‘disco’ originated. “No No No Disc playing – Disco – you understand?” That’s what gave him the “correct words – Disco”.

The director of Mithun’s first blockbuster told him that he wants songs like “John Travolta, Bee Gees, with some Kungfu flavor”, which is when he asked himself “How I will do?” and answers “OK, I will do”. He then explains how Bruce Lee was so famous and almost says that he sang for Bruce Lee. The song was “mausam hai jeene ka …. grandmaster jeena” ??? Obviously, the song became a “sooper heet”.

When Koel says that the song “I am a Disco Dancer” is a cult song, he forcefully says “All Songs!!!” Koel acquiesces.

Disco Dancer is actually “a history” because it’s being used in a movie called “Don’t Mess With The Zohaan with Adam Sand Lear” for using “Jimmy Jimmy”.

He agrees that he borrowed from the West, but adds that he took “in 500 song 2 song and not like today’s every song is plagarees”. He also gives the example how “anyone can borrow Beyonce’s song – touch me touch me touch me, touch me touch me touch me”

He flatters Koel by telling her that she is a star and that “everywhere this program is a soopper hit – couch”

He says he is the seniormost composer in the Hindi “fillum” industry like Lakshmikant Pyarelal, RD Burman, and Kalyanji Bhai. Asking him to compose with 2/3 other composers for the same “fillum” was a terrible insult to him, which is why he thought that he should go to Hollywood, where he worked hard for 2 years on “kaliyon ka chaman”, which was in the top 3 of the American charts.

You will see him next in “a very beeg role with Salman Khan in Main Aur Mrs. Khanna” where he has also “sang a song”. He plays a “very beeg myujikal-minded taicoon of Australia”.

His latest music album (My Love) is “bhery secret” dedication to someone, for which he also has to “cross feenger”.

He was a “teenagers” even when he was 23 when he married his wife.

Bappa, his son is “comeeng out very well” now and his 3rd “peecture is beecom very beeg heet”.

He didn’t participate in this year’s general elections because he was “beezee in talent hunt show – international talent hunt show – fool month beezee”. However, he gives his “laav and respect to Congress”.

Bappi Da does not have “alcohol, pan, pan parag, no nothing. No addictation”.

To his critics, “No No. anybody’s telling me bad accent. That is why I am sitting here in golden – uh red couch, 36 years in Bollywood and everybody loves Bappil Lahiri. I want lao of junta and I want to be good human. Bappi Lahiri should be good human personality because you know I want to sing…” and there he breaks into yet another song.

His dream is to get “Grammy avaard”.
His most humbling moment was in London when he met “Bittles group – that Paul, that John Ringo Paul”….” and adds when asked if he met the whole group, “not whole group, uh – that Paul Mackton.”
Michael Jackson (RIP) met Bappi and asked him for his “Ganpati Baba chain”

He then gets reminiscent about getting Samantha Fox in Rock Dancer for “Touch Me, Touch Me, I feel your body”, although the film did “not business, not business, but…”.

He can instantly fall in love with “good myoojik”.

His biggest regret is that his parents are “off”.

His latest want is to work with the “latest Beyonce”

…and he signs off in classic style with a Bengali number and shows how he plagiarized it into a Hindi version.

Enjoy!

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    The Bigger Superstars

    May 26, 2008

    Yes, we’ve all heard about Amitabh’s, Aamir’s, Shahrukh’s (this – as all other things are SRK – is nothing but a marketing exercise), and Salman’s blogs (another marketing gimmick)…but what attracted me more about the entire rigmarole and crazy mudslinging going on there are 2 things:

    a) I LOVE the honest opinions rolling around. I am appreciative of the fact that for the first time, we get to see the real person behind the screen persona that we are so used to and fathom all our opinions around that particular imaginary character. If the last sentence sounds complicated…stop reading after ‘…real person behind the screen persona…’

    b) Reader comments 🙂 I have managed to highlight a few randomly from the different blogs. I am in the process of classifying them, but thought I’d just share a few gems immediately.

    I will also be posting some posts that I think are hard-hitting and give us a glimpse of the real person behind the pen.

    A lot of the comments that are being posted by these readers of these various blogs have been compiled and collected by my good friend at work.

    NB: This post is not intened to make fun of anyone or anyone’s feelings. It’s just an analysis of the pains people go through (even though they might know the English language very well) to reach out to their loved icons.

    From Amitabh’s blog:

    • To my surprise I never knew that your english vocab skills are so higher and higher that nobody can guess that you equally breath Hindi so well.
    • u really have perfect blend of all humanly qualities greatest fan following resumed till now
      wat to say next really a perfect idol bollywood actor liked by all agers
    • hi Amit uncle,
      m a gr8 fan of urs….for ma childhood.i hv always remind u as a strong man just like he-man.but diz days m upset wid u ( b’cause of ur atitude wid other stars….. shahrukh, aamir de are juniour of urs.. plzzdo dis .b’cause smtimes it gives us a glimps of any type of infiriority…
      actualy i wanna say dat u r a he-man…. n he-man never do so…
      plz dont mind wat i said. . . it is just wat i felt…..
    • Hello Mr. Amitabh!Its cool that you are writing a blog.

      I read somewhere that you are being paid a three digit sum (in crores) by bigadda to write on their blogging service. It might be true or it may not be true. But I am sure there will be some compensation for you. And you surely deserve it. With your blog, you are reaching your fans and also it is a commercial venture for bigadda.

      I would like to offer a PERMANANT PICTURE/FLAH AD in the first page right at the top in my blog. This ad will lead to your blog and also to big adda website. This ad will be permanant. All I ask for is a good compensation. I am a student and started my own blog to write personal articles. But now I also want to make money through my blog.

      So BIGB sir and BIGADDA dudes, consider my offer for a permanant Ad placement in my blog return, I need a decent compensation.

    • amitji is it necessary to work on SUNDAYS? sorry u r asking us . but now the position is like that we r asking to u?
    • Sir ji you can see me on big adda .My login ID is nananagpuri ,you can search using login ID nananagpuri.I am 22 years old guy with a lot of thinks
      thanks
    • mr bachchan, as i type this message many tears fall from my face
    • I am .. Not a big Fan off urs… but i like the WAY u r…. As even smwhere heared abt u that u r … even an ANGRY OLD MAn lol
      is tis a truth that u paid 100crors..z. for tis BLOG….. To abusz… SK…
      in it …!!

      i read smwhere in a blogs…”

    The winner so far:

    • “”Dear BIG-B ji, I am Narendra; my home town is Allahabad.I want to you say that about your idea in the contribution of a new name for Allahabad. The new name will be BIG-B City. Allahabad is also known as ‘Prayag’.I want to add a extra name BIG-B City following Allahabad as well as Prayag.Due to name of BIG-B City a lot of resons.I want to say that more people from Allahabad became famous or being famous ,A lot of politicians, poets,writers,freedomfighters etc born in Allahabd and have became popular ,but in the new name of My Allahabad you are pick of all because It is a true story about your name and fame.I am beginning true story I was pursuing MBA (2006-2008)in Rohtak which is CM CITY in Haryana State. I was living on rent near Police line Rohtak.I always fill my bottle of water from water cooler of Police line.First day some policemen asked me ‘Are you student’ and Where is Your home town.I told them yes I am student pursuing MBA in ICFAI National College(INC) which is related to ICFAI University Dehradoon(Uttaranchal).When I told them about my home town then they were wonderfull,they told me in Haryanvi local ‘Are tu to Amitabh Bachchan ke gaon ka hai re, Amitabh se kabhi mila hai wo bhi tera Allahabadi hai,are tuje koi paresani hove to bata diyo,The behavior of them effected me I thought that I didn’t met Amitabh Bachchan but due to the home city of Bachchan they want help me. During 2 years of College a lot of students and people respect me. After some days in my college when any person told me about my home town then I told them that my home town is BIG-B City. They were thinking that where this city in India but after few is seconds they gussed you are from Allahabad and represented in Haryanvi’ Are Amitabh ke home town ka hai Tera matlab Allahabd se hai.Once upon a time I was copying my some papers in a photostate shop. I asked for giving money in our mother tongue ‘Are Sir ji kitne paise huye’ the owner of this shop asked me ‘Tu to yaha kaa nahi lahta kaha kaa rahne wala ‘.I told him that I am from BIG-B City .He told me sat on my sheet ‘Are tuje pata hai tu bachchan sahib ke sahar ka hai Matlab Allahabd ka hai tu .I WAS SHOKED THAT HIS EYES IN FULL OF TEARS AND HE TOLD ME;I want much Amitabh I respect you that you are from Allahabad and told me ‘tujhe paakar aur teri local boli se manne bahut santi mil rahi hai jaise maine Abitabh ko pa liya hai. A lot of stories related to your fame and name,So Among all Allahabadi you are very popular in the root of country.If you do not want BIG-B City then you can change BIG-B City into Bachchan City in the written form .I will also try.I am 22 years old but I have great thinking about this name BIG-B City for Allahabad.
      I am waiting for your opinion””

    The most hard-hitting piece I have read from Amitabh’s blog is the one under which lambasts Khalid Mohammed for his review of Bhootnath. Wow!

    “…And Khalid Mohammed who reviews the film for Hindustan Times of date, who instead of reviewing writes a personal letter to me through a public document, who wishes that I go and learn how to act from the Pune Film Institute, who laments at the only dialogue he heard in the entire film, my oft repeated ‘Haiiiiiiii’, who as director made three of the most colossal bombs in the history of Indian Cinema and who now tries to educate others in the craft, who credits the cast of the film as AB,AB AB, disrespecting the other eminent star presence, who allegedly as Editor of Filmfare, coerced the talent of his directed films to work for him in lieu of the alleged consideration of an Award, titles his diatribe –

    ‘TO BOO OR NOT TO BOO’

    Well KHALIDA ! And this is not a gender error, but a call you respond to lovingly, when Jaya addresses you, as you spread yourself across our dining table in Jalsa, sipping our, in your own words, ‘exclusive and expensive wine’, this is what I have to say to you –

    ‘BOO’ !!!”


    Jodhaa Akbar – what? why? huh?

    February 22, 2008

    Jodha Akbar – Gowariker’s big letdown.

    My headline has almost given away the ploy of the rest of my review. There have been a number of reviews that the press, critics, online users have written, most of which have been in praise of this movie, but somehow, it fell way short of my expectations, especially after Lagaan and Swades.

    Negatives

    • The movie is painfully slow and is 4 hours long
    • There is no real story in the movie. It’s a regular soap opera on any Hindi channel today – goes around in circles and is full of misunderstandings.
    • Hrithik does a ridiculous dance in the movie, which if you can imagine, is actually Akbar dancing at his own wedding – filmy, very filmy. This song actually cracked me up because it looked like they had twins in the song contorting their faces till eternity’s end and the entire crew looked like chefs with brown toques on.
    • Bollywood should stop trying it’s hand at epic movies. The crowds today don’t want to watch it any more. They are passe.
    • It all looks so artificial – not a single scene felt as though there was any natural acting involved. Everyone seemed to make a terrible and difficult effort to say the right things in the right dialect and with the right accent.
    • Yawn!
    • After watching this movie, you tend to ask yourself, if Akbar was such an ardent believer of love and mercy, then what was his problem with the love that Salim and Anarkali shared?

    Positives:

    • Grand. Period.
    • You can exercise your face muscles while watching ‘Khwaja Mere Khwaja’.
    • Art Direction & 1 song – Jashn-E-Bahaara.
    • You learn quite a bit of Urdu and wonder what certain words mean – check out what ‘deeda phad ke dekhna’ and ‘tashreef’ mean (no offense)!
    • Catch up on some sleep.

    A review from Greatbong.net

    A day in the life of Jalaluddin Akbar

    5:00 am Woke up to the first rays of the sun. To my surprise, I found myself in bed with Abul Fazal. Don’t know how this happened –I distinctly remember asking for directions to Abu Begum’s quarters.

    5:30 am Bare-chested sword play in front of the harem. What makes it totally cool is that I did not even have an actual steel sword. Yep I am naughty in the mornings.

    6:30 am Nothing better than to start the day off by taming a wild elephant. And oh boy did this one shake its trunk and almost flattened me twice with its huge feet before I could grab it by the tusk. But then the page-boy tells me I have made yet another mistake. Instead of going to the pit, I had wandered into the courtyard of one of my most senior wives, who seems to have been pissed off with me for some reason.

    Damn. Two mistakes and its not yet 7 am.

    Note to self: No opium shots in the morning.

    8 am Meeting with Raja Haldiram after refreshing bath. He wants the same damn thing: matrimonial alliance. To be honest, the girl looked very “Diwan-e-aam”. I of course like “Diwan-e-khaas”. Convinced him I have way too many wives already. Seemed a bit insulted. Gave him the honorary title of Bhujiawala.

    10 am Threw some fool down from the roof head-first. Don’t even remember why. Must have lost my head or something. Will present the standard Mughal compensation package: petrol pump to son and harem-pass to widow. Yeah I know I have many wives. But what to do—the good of the subject is always the most important.

    11 am Have to tell Birbal, for the zillionth time, not to send PJs as SMSs. This guy has the lamest sense of humor and keeps recycling jokes from Mullah Naseeruddin, Tenali Rama, Gopal Bhand and Sekhar Suman and passing them off as his own.

    11: 15 am Lunch with wife No 296. Kept on nagging about how I do not give her any special attention. Nag nag nag.

    12 pm Sleepy. Didnt help having a meeting with a bunch of hysteric Rajputs who kept saying I had married my son’s wife. That’s what I think they said, claiming that the whole clan has been insulted and that they would boycott something or the other.

    Note to self: I do have too many wives.

    2 pm Woke up after power nap. Music auditions for court musician. Today’s idols: Dilip Sen, Sameer Sen and Tan Sen. SMS voting has opened. Celebrity judge for today: living legend Dev Anand, my grandfather Babur’s favorite actor.

    3 pm Announced budget. Jeziya tax has been repealed. However I have put a cess on kumkum and agarbatti, removed a 10% tax flat tax on corrugated roofing and put additional tariffs on cell phones and elephant manure. Why screw Hindus only when you can screw everybody ! I am sure the Ranathambore and Mewar guys will call my budget “anti-people” but then what’s new about that !

    4 pm Trouble ! The ambassador of Bengal informed me that the entire state will rebel if Sourav Ganguly is not selected in the one day team. Got into a shouting match and at the end the Bengali ambassador said something that sounded like “Boka Jodhaa Akbar”. My advisors told me it’s just the ambassador wishing me and my wife good health.

    5 pm Some new qawwal. What a heavenly voice. What lovely lyrics: “I love you Sayoni. Koi shaq? What’s up?” I think I can get rid of Faizi.

    6 pm Problems. Seems there has been bird flu that has made chickens poisonous to eat. Demand for chickens down. I suggested we organize a grand feast, free of cost, serve exclusively chicken dishes and get demand up again. All my Navratans laughed at me saying that the idea was ridiculous, the “free feast” would set of alarm bells about the provenance of the free chickens and the whole event would be flop. Well guess who is laughing now.

    7 pm Debriefing with Maham Anga. I am seriously getting sick of this lady being the actual power behind the throne and me being just a puppet. I pretend not to hear when some of the servant girls whisper “Manmohan Singh” as I pass by.

    8 pm With wife No 264. The whole rigmarole of “Kya aap hume mohabbat kartein hain?” begins.

    Married life I tell you.

    [Disclaimer: No disrespect to any historic character, living or dead]

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    Testament that people haven’t even been able to spell the movie right..