3 Idiots & Chetak Bakbak: Yeh Kya Hui?

January 2, 2010

Following the brouhaha between Chetak Bakbak and the 3 Idiots team, Video Vinod Chopped-ra decided to get everyone in a room and decide how these differences can be settled so that he can concentrate on writing his next blockbuster with Himes bhai in the lead, titled ‘2010: A Greater Love Ishtory.’

The discussion is preceded by everyone ritually dancing to the groovy dance moves by the 80-year-old-looking-13-year-old.

After taking a breather, Chetak Bakbak (CB), Ameer Kan (AK), Rogered Kumar Hairaani (RKH), Abhi-jaata-hun Jyotshi (AJ), and Video Vinod Chopped-ra (VVC) were sitting in a circle with the famous single-butt-styled 3 Idiots chairs. To mediate the conversation, they called upon Chatur who insisted that the ‘Balatkar‘ he referred to in the movie was in fact a prediction that he had made on 5th September 3 years ago, which would affect the movie post it’s release.

Chatur: Maananiya atithiyo – main aapka swaagat karti. Mahabharata abhi part 2 nikali. Usme main samay ka role karti. Yaad kariye 3 years ago, isi place par, main bolti tha ki ek time aayega jab hum sab phir idhar hi milenga aur humko hamara past haunt karega. Lekin hum yeh bhi bola tha ki hum tab tak super star ban jaati aur tum log fighting karti. Haha…my prediction was ekdum theek. Ab tum kya bolti, Bakbak? bolo bolo…

CB: I am hurt.

AK: Aila, now by what?

CB: Aah…this pin that was pricking me while I was sitting. Yes – now this whole copycat thing that has been blown out of proportion… VVC/RKH – why don’t you admit that you had planned this and the fact that it took Abhi-jaata-hun 3 years to write this script was because he couldn’t find a pen that Ameer thought was perfect for writing?

RKH: (Silence)

VVC: Kee honda yaar? Koi gal nahin. I have referred to you in the rolling credits. Why do you want to create a scene yaar?
CB: My mumma couldn’t see my name. Even I eventually found out that it was there from my millions and billions of fans in India.

VVC: Oye, your maa must have forgotten to take her spectacles with her. No wonder she was sitting in the hall for 20 minutes after the movie finished. Lack of concentration yaar – hota hai, hota hai.

AK: (Interrupting) No no Video, dil hai ki manta nahin. This is just a stunt. Chetak just wants additional publicity because the movie that I made .. err.. RKH made was so good and is a super hit. What kind of a ‘purush’ is he?

VVC: Chill Ameer. Main Hoon Na!

AK: Aila, why are you talking about that chhichhora who dances in marriages right now?

VVC: No baba, not him, not him. I meant me.

CB: (Crying) Something something ille. Talk about me. I am hurt.

AK: Let me speak since I am a super actor, interfering producer, ghost director, and a six-pack builder. Chetak – why are you making baat out of batangad?

CB: But Ameer, my idol (whom I will bulldoze with my pointless rant), they didn’t show me the script, they didn’t let me watch the film first, which is why I lost the bet with my millions and billions of fans and had to pay 350 rupees from my pocket for each person in my building’s society to watch this movie. I want paisa vasool now.

VVC: But Chetak yaar, this was all part of the contract. As for allowing you to watch the movie first, I had only 3 chairs in my screening room and you wanted 1 seat for yourself, 1 for your popcorn and the last one for a mountain pile of your new book (2 states). Ameer wanted to watch the movie each time I would screen it and chop and cut and edit some scene or the other. That’s why I gave one seat to your popcorn, 1 to your pile of books, and one to Ameer. That is why you lost out na? Now, don’t do cheating bachcha.

CB: Oooeei maa … that hurts too!

AK: Look – the real writer of this film is Abhi-jaata-hun Jyotshi. Talk to him. Oye, Abhi-jaata-hun, where are you?

AJ: Oh teri. Abhi aata hun.

AJ: Yes Ameer Sir. How are you sir? Sorry sir, had gone for toilet break.

AK: Arre arre no problem AJ. You know Chetak, right?

AJ: Yes Sir, of course I know Chetak. I had copied everything from his book only. Whatay book saar, whatay book! I felt love with each word I copied. I would like to give you my tohfa Chetak. Kabool karein.

CB: Mumma!

AK: Hey, AJ don’t spoil the plot. Put your trousers back on. You will eventually give your tohfa to him, but for now, just hold on to whatever you have back there. I think there needs to be a change in plans. I will do all the talking from now on. VVC, RKH, and AJ – keep your mouths shut. I am a perfectionist. I will take care of it. Haan to – Chetak, bol.

CB: So, are you going to give me due credit or not? I am talking about right in the beginning of the film, before your name.

AK: Oye, watch it. I will give you my Ghajini scream, bare my body, sweat a lot, do pull-ups, and beat you up after that.

CB: Ok ok sorry Ameer. How about after your name, but mentioning that more than 70% has been copied from my book?

AK: Ummm…

VVC: (Interrupting) Nahi yaar Ameer, that will make me look like the Anu Malik of movie direction. Can I say ‘initialized by Chetak Bakbak’ instead?

CB: Lekin yeh ‘initialized’ cheez kya hai, yeh ‘initialized’ cheez?

AK: Dekh Chetak – you have to lose some if you want to win some. Khelna hai to khelo, warna get out.

CB: Ameer, look – I want to end this soon. I think British Dundee is catching on to our ploy.

AK: Woh taklu? Let him be. Let me tell you the problem yaar. Abhi tak feel nahi aa raha hai. You have to cry a bit more, whine a bit more, tell the media how your billions of fans are hating it and how much more your Mumma is crying. Thoda aur feel lao, aur emotions lao. By the way, the look is good huh? Unshaven look and all…achha hai accha hai. Tear your kurta a little bit the next time you go on TV, ok?

CB: Ok Ameer. So, it’s a deal then. I’ll whine and then you give me my spot.

AK: Yes. VVC aur RKH – theek hai na?

RKH: (silence)

VVC: Koi baat nahi yaar. Sab chalta hai, yeh bhi chala lenge. But I want tears – real ones – from your eyes, like the ones that people shed when they watched my real-life autobiography ‘Kareeb’.

CB: This is too much yaar. I am threatening you now. We are on the 8th floor. I will jump down. Watch it, ok?

VVC: Arre Chetak munde, you are taking it too seriously. I was just joking. Whatever Ameer says.

AK: But there has to be some marketing buildup for this. It looks too easy right now. AJ, I have been giving you credit all along about being the script writer. Kuchh to soch na yaar.

AJ: My tohfa is always for you Ameer Saar.

AK: Chhee…keep your tohfa to yourself. Kabhi to theek se dhoya karo yaar. I only like Chatur’s tohfa since he also gives me a 1+1 free offer of a silent killer fart with the tohfa. Learn something I say. Anyway, done deal Chetak.

“You cry and
we wipe it dry
but only if this issue is tweeted by Stephen Fry

VVC: Wah wah Ameer. Kya sher hai.

AK: Woh kya hai na Video, I am practicing poetry for my next film, which is also K…k…kkkiran’s directorial debut. She wants me to play a poet called Teelu and so I’m getting into the skin of the character.

CB: The one titled ‘Dhobi Ghaat’? What’s the connection between you being a poet and Dhobi Ghaat?

AK: Wohi toh – marketing strategy. I can’t tell you now. Later later. I am doing a role of a dhobi who secretly writes lyrics for Karan Joker’s movies. But all this is hush hush – theek hai na?

CB: Ok – done deal. I have a TV interview right now. Watch the way I cry and say that I don’t want anything, but am hellbent on kicking up a fuss about it. Sab set hai na phir Ameer bhai?

AK: Sure sister. Pakka pakka. As an added sweetener and if you do a good job, we can talk later about one of my sequels to 3 Idiots titled “2 P’s (Phunsuk and Pia)”, where I will directly rip the story from your latest book and which will again be directed by VVC and RKH. We’ll make it a big reunion by getting AJ to write it for us again.

CB: Oh ho…more sales for my new book. After my publisher refused to sell the book for more than Rs 95, I had to do something to make my rozi roti. This is perfect. Can’t wait Ameer…can’t wait. Tra la la la la. Mummy – fun is coming.

Ameer: Theek hai…accha hai…accha hai – it’s all settled then. RKH?

RKH: (Silence)

Chatur: (Shocked) Arre, yeh kya hui? My Mahabharata part 2 turned out to be phuski? Yeh nahi ho sakti. Oye Phunsuk ser, I will complain to Mookes bhai and there will be another balatkar on the film about how the set was captured without his permission.

AK: Oh teri! Arre Chatur. One battle is over, but the war is left. Don’t worry yaar. Stick with me and I will teach you the ropes.
VVC: Ameer is right. Jung abhi baaki hai mere dost, jung abhi baaki hai.

Chatur: Yeh jung is left? Yeh kya hui? Anyway, if you are also saying, then main maanti. But, I want a big role in the next film, haan? Nahi toh I will make your sthan my dhan.

VVC: Haan Chatur, my brother from another mother. I will give you a contract right now that you will be mentioned in my next film. Guaranteed!

AK: Chalo bhaiya, finally. Aal eez well then. Theek hai na Rogered?

RKH: (Silence)

VVC: Arre Ameer. Iski bolti bandh hai. He is still in shock after my stunner blockbuster ‘Eklavya’ as well as my expert media-handling styles. All settled. Aal eez well…aal eez well.

Song Packaging In The Hindi Film Industry – Part I

December 28, 2009

The idea to write this post came to me yesterday on a flight from Hyderabad to Delhi, while I was browsing songs through my iPod. Usually, the hallmark of a great song is one where you lose yourself completely in the song.

I am an avid movie watcher and most often when I listen to certain songs, it brings back vivid pictures of the actors from that song and the emotions they went through. While the interwoven lyrics and melodies are the larger reason why songs work or don’t work, there is yet another critical aspect of these songs that determines how popular the song becomes, which is the picturization and the production values.

As a result, I decided to write and share with the readers of this blog post, songs that are not only melodious in nature, but have brilliant picturizations with regard to the plot of the film, as well as with regard to production values and overall ‘feel’ of the song. Hope you enjoy reading about it as much as I do writing.

Aaj Kal Paon Zameen Par – Ghar (1978); Singer: Lata Mangeshkar; Music: RD Burman; Lyrics: Gulzar; Director: Manik Chatterjee; Starring: Rekha, Vinod Mehra

This is a song that has haunted me ever since I’ve heard this song. The visuals of this song further strengthen the impact of the song. To me, it is one of the few romantic songs that strikes a chord, where the synchronization and mood of the song match the picturization as well. Natural acting and excellent cinematography makes it one of my most-loved songs. Simplicity is one attribute that stands out in this song. Incidentally, this is also one of RD Burman’s favourite compositions as suggested during an interview in the 80s. This song was very close to his heart as well.

Kahin Door Jab Din Dhal Jaaye – Anand (1971); Singer: Mukesh; Music: Salil Chowdhury; Lyrics: Yogesh; Director: Hrishikesh Mukherjee; Starring: Rajesh Khanna

Few songs touch the cord and describe the true meaning of life as this one does. The thoughts of a dying man, who’s living each day painfully at a time come to the fore through the words of the song. A beautiful melody and very few people (if anyone else at all) could showcase a man standing in his balcony wondering about when death will come to him.

Incidentally, there’s an extra paragraph in this video clip that doesn’t exist on the cassette/CD of this movie. Watch this clip just for that paragraph.

Zindagi Kaisi Hai Paheli – Anand (1971); Singer: Manna Dey; Music: Salil Chowdhury; Lyrics: Yogesh; Director: Hrishikesh Mukherjee; Actor: Rajesh Khanna

By now, it must be evident how powerful a screen-presence Rajesh Khanna demanded. Only Hrishikesh Mukherjee could pull off a song where they show nothing but a man walking down the beach with a few helium baloons in his hand throughout the song and not make it boring at all.

Roop Tera Mastana – Aradhana (1969); Singer: Kishore Kumar; Music: SD Burman; Lyrics: Anand Bakshi; Director: Shakti Samanta; Actors: Rajesh Khanna; Sharmila Tagore

Very few people know that this entire song has been completed in a single shot without any breaks. This was not intentional, but just speaks about the intensity and dedication of the actors to their work. One of the best seduction songs ever produced.

Aasma Odh Kar – 13B (2009); Singers: Shankar Mahadevan, Chitra; Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy; Lyrics: Neelesh Misra; Director: Vikram K Kumar; Actors: Madhavan, Neetu Chandra

The reason why this song makes this list is because it is perhaps one of the few songs that has been shot in slow motion for the major part of the song. Further, keeping with the theme of the movie, the melody has a haunting feel to it.

Kitni Baatein – Lakshya (2004); Singers: Hariharan, Alka Yagnik; Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Farhan Akhtar; Starring: Hrithik Roshan, Preity Zinta

If there’s one song where the acting emotes more than the song, it’s this one. The silence between the two actors says a thousand words between them. Simply (and without saying too much), brilliant!

Ye Hawaayein – Luck By Chance (2009); Singers: Amit Paul, Mahalaxmi Iyer; Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Zoya Akhtar; Starring: Farhan Akhtar, Isha Sharvani

A wonderfully shot song, which was not easy to shoot, especially with two unknown actors trying to re-create romance the way traditionally, good-looking couples do on-screen. However, having said that, this is one song that has been picturized with an aim to please and has the ‘feel good’ factor going for it.

Main Agar Kahoon – Om Shanti Om (2007); Singer: Sonu Nigam; Music: Vishal Shekhar; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Farah Khan; Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Deepika Padukone

This is one song that has been picturised in a dream-like sequence, creating different themes to suit the mood of the song. A very-well choreographed song and perhaps one of the best romantic numbers in recent times. This is also an insight into how, if certain directors want, can create romantic musicals that can still do wonders for the dying art of creating melody.

Dil Dooba – Khakee (2004); Singers: Sonu Nigam, Shreya Ghoshal; Music: Ram Sampat; Lyrics: Sameer; Director: Rajkumar Santoshi; Starring: Aishwarya Rai, Akshay Kumar

Not a great/catchy song at all, but the way it’s been shot in sepia (?) is very interesting and makes it a treat to watch.

Chori Chori Jab Nazrein Mili – Kareeb (1998); Singers: Kumar Sanu, Sanjeevani; Music: Anu Malik; Lyrics: Rahat Indori; Director: Vidhu Vinod Chopra; Starring: Bobby Deol, Neha

I am sure that when you read the name of the song and saw the names of the artistes who were involved in making this song, you would have wondered what this song was doing here. However, there’s something about this song and the way it’s been filmed (incidentally, this is the last film that VVC has directed yet), that mesmerizes you. These folks took romance to an entirely new level – twilight, river with ‘diyas’ floating all around, wet actors, waltzing to the song, extra long ‘dupattas’…. It’s unconventional and that’s what makes it different.

Tumhi Dekho Na – Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (2006); Singers: Sonu Nigam, Alka Yagnik; Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Karan Johar; Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Rani Mukherjee

Of all the songs that have been featured in Karan Johar’s movies, this one stands out as the best. One that contains imagination, emotion, and all the ingredients of making it a song that one relishes audibly as well as visually. Great use of pastel shades and colors. Amongst my personal favourites as well. When lovers meet…this is what happens.

I’ll be back soon with subsequent parts to this thread.

Thanks for watching/reading.


Song Packaging In The Hindi Film Industry – The Concluding Part

December 28, 2009

Continuing my previous post on Song Packaging, I thought I’ll follow up the post with some new additions, many of which have been suggested by my readers and some that I might have missed out in my earlier post.

Kya Karoon – Wake Up Sid (2009); Singer: Clinton Cerejo; Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Ayan Mukherji; Starring: Ranbir Kapoor, Konkona Sen Sharma

A song that captures the youth in its essence. If you want to understand the mind of today’s teenager who wants to live life for today rather than worry and think about tomorrow, here’s a song that tells you exactly that. What especially stands out in this song is that this song is the typical day in the life of a fresh, college-going student. Guess it takes a young director to bring out the emotions and feelings of the younger generation.

The scene where Ranbir seems to be floating in the air without a care in the world is the defining moment of the song and is representative of a feeling that every teenager must have experienced at some point in time in some way or the other. Generalistic, but true.

Yeh Hai Bombay Meri Jaan – CID (1956); Singers: Md Rafi, Geeta Dutt; Music: OP Nayyar; Lyrics: Majrooh Sultanpuri; Director: Raj Khosla; Starring: Dev Anand, Shakila, Johnny Walker

If there is one song that defines the characteristic of a city like Mumbai, it is this one, which has rung true since the year it was produced. The practical nature of the song is overwhelming and one can really identify with this song. This is also one of the few songs that have been entirely picturized on a comedian (although a song featuring Johnny Walker was but obvious in a Guru Dutt production) and has survived through the ages. Even today, people can’t picture anyone but Johnny Walker singing this song as he roams the streets of Mumbai characterizing everything in sight and telling the story of the city through a crude but true lens.

Dost Dost Na Raha – Sangam (1964); Singer: Mukesh; Music: Shankar Jaikishan; Lyrics: Shailendra; Director: Raj Kapoor; Starring: Raj Kapoor, Vyajanthimala, Rajendra Kumar

Raj Kapoor’s first color magnum opus was a runaway success and brought out one of the best films that Indian Cinema has ever seen – the second coming of the Great Showman. Raj Kapoor’s acting prowess is best noticed in this song when he sings this song knowing fully well what transpired between his wife and his best friend. The pain is evident in his expressions with a sort of self-submission to his ill-fate when he faces the camera and is accentuated very well by Mukesh’s voice. But, the moment he looks at Rajendra Kumar and Vyajanthimala, while he pretends to not know anything, his furtive glances tell them that he is fully aware, but prefers to not acknowledge it.

Rajendra Kumar and Vyajanthimala’s expressions are filled with guilt, and moments of their togetherness float by their eyes, which has been captured extremely well by the cinematographer and the director. Just proves to the world at large that one doesn’t have to bleed or shout in anger to express emotions, unlike today’s movies. This is called ‘acting’, where not a word is spoken, but emotions are communicated via looks.

I have intentionally included the song in 3 parts, where the buildup to the song, the main song, and the concluding portion of the song play out all the emotions of one of the most powerful moments in Indian cinema. A majestic masterpiece.

Roz Shaam Aati Thi* – Imtihan (1974); Singer: Lata Mangeshkar; Music: Laxmikant Pyarelal; Lyrics: Majrooh Sultanpuri; Director: Madan Sinha; Starring: Vinod Khanna, Tanuja

*My dad’s suggestion

One of the few songs that have been experimented with and shot at twilight in the 70s. The colors are magnificient and completes this song. Camerawork and lighting were immaculate in the challenged days when no digital photography existed and means were limited. While the song may not be an all-time favourite, it is one which is apt for the mood that the surroundings suggest.

Dhoom Taana – Om Shanti Om (2007); Singers: Abhijeet, Shreya Ghoshal; Music: Pyarelal; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Farah Khan; Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Deepika Padukone

This is the second song from the movie Om Shanti Om that has been featured in this series of posts. There are only 3 reasons why this song makes the cut:

a) The music has been composed by Pyarelal, yet he doesn’t find mention in the inlay card of the CD. This is incidentally, the only song that he has composed after his partner’s death (Laxmikant).

b) Digital morphing and photography at it’s best when Deepika Padukone is seen dancing with superstars of yester-years. Very cleverly done. Makes me imagine and wonder what if these stars were brought back to their glorious days and asked to act in movies today.

c) Fantastic set design. The screen comes to life.

Waqt Ne Kiya Kya Haseen Sitam – Kaagaz Ke Phool (1959); Singer: Geeta Dutt; Music: SD Burman; Lyrics: Kaifi Azmi; Director: Guru Dutt; Actors: Guru Dutt, Waheeda Rehman

If there was one director that significantly changed the way we looked at Indian Cinema, it was Guru Dutt. Any list would be incomplete without having a song featuring one of his movies/himself. Guru Dutt’s sheer genius comes to the fore in this song. Note once again, that this song does not have any lip syncing, but the actors’ emotions speak louder than words. The lighting and effect of the scene have a lingering effect that tells the story of the entire movie in a matter of a few minutes.

The final shot of the song is one that associates itself with the sad demise of the director and is the one last lingering memory that Hindi film lovers hang onto till today and will forever continue to do so. That was the magic of Guru Dutt.

Bade Achche Lagte Hain – Balika Badhu (1976); Singers: Amit Kumar, Rajni Sharma; Music: RD Burman; Lyrics: Anand Bakshi; Director: Tarun Majumder; Actors: Sachin, Rajni Sharma

Innocence personified. A young, engaged couple sitting near the banks of the river let their emotions flow without being explicit about it. One of RD Burman’s best compositions and Amit Kumar’s first hit song.

Jeena Yahan Marna Yahan – Mera Naam Joker (1970); Singer: Mukesh; Music: Shankar Jaikishan; Lyrics: Shailendra; Director: Raj Kapoor; Actor: Raj Kapoor

The perfect song to end this chapter. A song that will make you teary-eyed even if you have no context to the song. The autobiography of a man who was an entertainer till his last dying breath. Incidentally, this movie bombed at the box office and left the Greatest Showman on Earth penniless and heartbroken on seeing that a subject which was so close to him was shunned by the public to which he had dedicated his entire life to.

If you were to watch this song again, this is perhaps the song that sums up Raj Kapoor’s life in totality and leaves you in awe. It is safe to assume that Hindi Cinema will never see another Raj Kapoor ever.

Movies, Movies, and more Movies.

July 28, 2009

Movie downloading fetish: 31 movies in 3 days, including 6-episode, dual-season TV Series and still counting.

That’s what I’ve been upto over the last few days. Axxo, Klaxxon are some of the users that I am hounding since the last few days through Mininova.com to download movies using UTorrent(pronounced mew-torrent).

I haven’t come across any titles that I haven’t seen yet and believe me, I have seen a lot. Most of the ‘must-watch-before-you-die‘ site recommendations talk about the same old stuff over and over again – ‘The Godfather‘, ‘The Lord Of The Rings‘, ‘Taxi Driver‘, etc. Well, for one I already have most of these movies, and additionally, I find these artsy movies a bit of a drab.

I have been subjected to a lot of Hindi movies in the past and I like fast-paced (not necessarily the ‘action’, ‘dhishum dhishum’ kinds) movies. Comedies are my favourite and I don’t mind thrillers and certain drama movies as well. Have looked all over for recommendations, but have found none. This is one of my attempts to get ideas from you folks out there.

Spare me the ‘Shawshank Redemption‘, ‘The Green Mile‘, ‘Forrest Gump‘ kind of common movies. Don’t get me wrong – those are terrific movies and ones that I’d die to watch, but am looking more for what’s not common and those kind of movies that are heavily underrated. And I don’t like art films, world movies, foreign language movies, musicals, black-and-white movies, pre-1960 movies, martial art, and mindless action movies.

Before you make any recommendations, a little bit about me – I am a movie freak in the true sense of the word…when I went to the States, I went with the sole purpose of buying DVDs fromAmoeba and Rasputin in SFO. I ended up paying $300 in excess baggage, came back with 2 overflowing bags of DVDs, and currently possess a Godrej-full of movies collected from different sources. No – I don’t lend movies, so stop wishing.

Now for suggestions in the following genres please:

Comedy (TV Series qualify for this genre as well)
Any other jaw-dropping stuff (no porn – I have my own preferences) 🙂

Give me as many. I have an insatiable appetite for this form of entertainment and the person with the most valid recommendations (movies that I eventually end up downloading/purchasing/owning) will get a one-time only, full-access to my movie collection which I will be posting on my blog shortly. Extra points for providing a download/purchase source. Please don’t forget to state your name and email ID. You can email me directly as well if you feel that posting a list via this medium is too cumbersome.

10 points for each valid recommendation.

Thanks in advance.

~ Hef

Jodhaa Akbar – what? why? huh?

February 22, 2008

Jodha Akbar – Gowariker’s big letdown.

My headline has almost given away the ploy of the rest of my review. There have been a number of reviews that the press, critics, online users have written, most of which have been in praise of this movie, but somehow, it fell way short of my expectations, especially after Lagaan and Swades.


  • The movie is painfully slow and is 4 hours long
  • There is no real story in the movie. It’s a regular soap opera on any Hindi channel today – goes around in circles and is full of misunderstandings.
  • Hrithik does a ridiculous dance in the movie, which if you can imagine, is actually Akbar dancing at his own wedding – filmy, very filmy. This song actually cracked me up because it looked like they had twins in the song contorting their faces till eternity’s end and the entire crew looked like chefs with brown toques on.
  • Bollywood should stop trying it’s hand at epic movies. The crowds today don’t want to watch it any more. They are passe.
  • It all looks so artificial – not a single scene felt as though there was any natural acting involved. Everyone seemed to make a terrible and difficult effort to say the right things in the right dialect and with the right accent.
  • Yawn!
  • After watching this movie, you tend to ask yourself, if Akbar was such an ardent believer of love and mercy, then what was his problem with the love that Salim and Anarkali shared?


  • Grand. Period.
  • You can exercise your face muscles while watching ‘Khwaja Mere Khwaja’.
  • Art Direction & 1 song – Jashn-E-Bahaara.
  • You learn quite a bit of Urdu and wonder what certain words mean – check out what ‘deeda phad ke dekhna’ and ‘tashreef’ mean (no offense)!
  • Catch up on some sleep.

A review from Greatbong.net

A day in the life of Jalaluddin Akbar

5:00 am Woke up to the first rays of the sun. To my surprise, I found myself in bed with Abul Fazal. Don’t know how this happened –I distinctly remember asking for directions to Abu Begum’s quarters.

5:30 am Bare-chested sword play in front of the harem. What makes it totally cool is that I did not even have an actual steel sword. Yep I am naughty in the mornings.

6:30 am Nothing better than to start the day off by taming a wild elephant. And oh boy did this one shake its trunk and almost flattened me twice with its huge feet before I could grab it by the tusk. But then the page-boy tells me I have made yet another mistake. Instead of going to the pit, I had wandered into the courtyard of one of my most senior wives, who seems to have been pissed off with me for some reason.

Damn. Two mistakes and its not yet 7 am.

Note to self: No opium shots in the morning.

8 am Meeting with Raja Haldiram after refreshing bath. He wants the same damn thing: matrimonial alliance. To be honest, the girl looked very “Diwan-e-aam”. I of course like “Diwan-e-khaas”. Convinced him I have way too many wives already. Seemed a bit insulted. Gave him the honorary title of Bhujiawala.

10 am Threw some fool down from the roof head-first. Don’t even remember why. Must have lost my head or something. Will present the standard Mughal compensation package: petrol pump to son and harem-pass to widow. Yeah I know I have many wives. But what to do—the good of the subject is always the most important.

11 am Have to tell Birbal, for the zillionth time, not to send PJs as SMSs. This guy has the lamest sense of humor and keeps recycling jokes from Mullah Naseeruddin, Tenali Rama, Gopal Bhand and Sekhar Suman and passing them off as his own.

11: 15 am Lunch with wife No 296. Kept on nagging about how I do not give her any special attention. Nag nag nag.

12 pm Sleepy. Didnt help having a meeting with a bunch of hysteric Rajputs who kept saying I had married my son’s wife. That’s what I think they said, claiming that the whole clan has been insulted and that they would boycott something or the other.

Note to self: I do have too many wives.

2 pm Woke up after power nap. Music auditions for court musician. Today’s idols: Dilip Sen, Sameer Sen and Tan Sen. SMS voting has opened. Celebrity judge for today: living legend Dev Anand, my grandfather Babur’s favorite actor.

3 pm Announced budget. Jeziya tax has been repealed. However I have put a cess on kumkum and agarbatti, removed a 10% tax flat tax on corrugated roofing and put additional tariffs on cell phones and elephant manure. Why screw Hindus only when you can screw everybody ! I am sure the Ranathambore and Mewar guys will call my budget “anti-people” but then what’s new about that !

4 pm Trouble ! The ambassador of Bengal informed me that the entire state will rebel if Sourav Ganguly is not selected in the one day team. Got into a shouting match and at the end the Bengali ambassador said something that sounded like “Boka Jodhaa Akbar”. My advisors told me it’s just the ambassador wishing me and my wife good health.

5 pm Some new qawwal. What a heavenly voice. What lovely lyrics: “I love you Sayoni. Koi shaq? What’s up?” I think I can get rid of Faizi.

6 pm Problems. Seems there has been bird flu that has made chickens poisonous to eat. Demand for chickens down. I suggested we organize a grand feast, free of cost, serve exclusively chicken dishes and get demand up again. All my Navratans laughed at me saying that the idea was ridiculous, the “free feast” would set of alarm bells about the provenance of the free chickens and the whole event would be flop. Well guess who is laughing now.

7 pm Debriefing with Maham Anga. I am seriously getting sick of this lady being the actual power behind the throne and me being just a puppet. I pretend not to hear when some of the servant girls whisper “Manmohan Singh” as I pass by.

8 pm With wife No 264. The whole rigmarole of “Kya aap hume mohabbat kartein hain?” begins.

Married life I tell you.

[Disclaimer: No disrespect to any historic character, living or dead]


Testament that people haven’t even been able to spell the movie right..